Thursday, October 15, 2009

Conversations with god!!!

My chat with God!!!

Me: hi!!
God: hello

Me: is this god!!
God: I think so

Me: you are not sure??
God: well last time I checked I still was god!!

Me: when was the last time u checked?
God: lemme check (a short pause)... about 2 years back...

Me: so are you still god or not?

God: lemme check (a long pause)...well I just asked my seceratary...i am God!!

Me: you have to ask your secretary whether you are god or not?

God: well just wanted to confirm!!

Me: so she told you and you believed her!!

God: two things ….one he told me …second...yes I believed him...

Me: he??

God: yeah!! Why is there a problem?

Me: well! No… it is not a problem, but I thought you would have a female secretary!!

God: haven’t you heard of sexual discrimination laws!!!

Me: yes I guess you were right!!

God: thank you!!

Me: so you are definitely god?

God: u still have doubts??

Me: yeah

God: why is that?

Me: hmm…isn’t it a little be chatting with god on messenger!!

God: Boy!! Which world are you living in …internet is everywhere...and thanks to the satellites you guys have launched the wireless signal here is very strong..

Me: ohm!! okie..But it is still weird!!

God: why?

Me: aren’t you supposed to speak to me directly from the sky!!

God: I don’t want to disturb the others who are doing their work!!

Me: ohh that makes sense!!

God: good! Don’t you have any work?

Me: well you should know!!

God: why?

Me: isn’t god supposed to know everything?

God: is it? (Lemme check)

Me: BUZZ!!!

God: yeah just found out...i know it .but just don’t remember it …

Me: how did u find that out?

God: I asked my fellow gods here and my secretary confirmed!!

Me: you asked your secretary??

God: aren’t secretaries supposed to help you out with such matters...part of his job description!

Me: well are you sure you are god?

God: you still don’t believe me? Well, if may ask, who are you?

Me: oh god wouldn’t need to ask me that?

God: and why is that?

Me: ohh come on you are supposed to have all the knowledge in the world and you don’t know who you are chatting with?

God: well I do know but I just don’t remember!! Have a lot of things on my mind…

Me: yeah right!! You definitely are joking

God: well lemme see… (Goes on narrating my biodata)

Me: how did u find out?

God: kid are you crazy or you just don’t get it? I am god...

Me: but you didn’t know all this, a few main back

God: lot of data...asked my seceratary to look it up …

Me: ohh so you have archived information about everyone ehh?

God: yeah and at a given point of time have access to only a select portion...portion that is relevant …so takes time to sort out the huge amount of data

Me: well you secretary seems to be real good at searching for the required info!!

God: yeah he is!! I have a very stringent selection procedure

Me: is it...

God: yeah we do thorough background checks …and then there is an assessment center

Me: ohh what are the skills that look for

God: he has to be a good man/ woman …he must be a diligent hard worker...

Me: yeah I guess, he has to be very good to help do so much data handling

God: ohh we have tools like Google desktop search to help in searching

Me: I can help you set up the network!!

God: network??

Me: yeah so that you and the other gods can all have conferences!!

God: ohh so you want to help us out ehh? Please wait!!

[God is offline]

Secy: what happened sir? Who was it you were chatting with...?

God: some pesky little kid who wanted to get the back door entry into heaven...he offered to set up a network here …

Secy: that was new one!!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The road trip!!!

After lot of discussions, telephone calls and major planning I ended up sitting im my own room watching sitcoms and waiting to spend one more long weekend sipping on coke and eating pizzas. Then came the eventful phonecall. It was kfc on the line. He suddenly came up with this plan to go to coorg with the Bangalore junta. Now this was not the first time I had heard of the plan and initially was not very keen on the very long road trip. But then suddenly something snapped. I was like what the heck..that is better than sitting at home and putting on some more calories ( we ended up buring quite a few on the trip). So checked the tickets for the last leg back to Chennai. Made a few phone calls to office collegues, rescheduled a few Monday morning meeting and we were set.

Both me and kfc were quite kicked about the trip, as we were very disappointed after all our impromptu plans to go to goa and manali and Kashmir and other spicejet destination,which we discussed the previous night at 1 am while eating bread ommlette at a roadside shop, fell flat. We immediately called rashmis (the name stays rashmis as I am being threatened with serious consequences) surprisingly she agreed. I guess it was more the desire to get away from Chennai rather than the pleasure of our company that motivated her I guess.

We made some extra turns and roamed a few extra streets before we found rashmis place. After having picked her up we then slowly made our way through the narrow streets of Chennai to reach the highway. As soon as we hit the highway, I saw a miracle. Our man kfc who is generally a cool customer became a terror. There was lightning and loud thundering sound and kfc turned into Schumacher who was left on a track. He was under the impression that his swift was a Ferrari and raced on the highway. I have travelled those roads before many times, as my office is 40 km on that stretch, but never covered the distance so fast. Just so that you guys get the message, have you ever driven on a highway and found a super fast car coming from far and honking loud to ensure that you move away and give him the way,which you would be forced to do to avoid a collision, and hten you would turn around curse him and pass a comment on the rash brat, well that car was us and we were the rash brat.

Kfc was enjoying the drive like a pig in poop. He was having blast. Getting close to cars, honking at them, cutting them and generally even pushing much bigger vehicles. It was a super drive, and suddenly there was rain. It was pouring but that didn’t dampen the spirits of our man. He just switched on every light on his car and sped away splashing water on pedestrians and making his way to banglore.

It was a 3.5 hour drive to cover the 300 km ot reach kormangla. Before that we dropped Rashmi off at the nita’s place and proceeded to join sugar and shrik for a wholesome meal. It was awesome dinner as we were very hungry. But there were two interesting incidents after we entered Bangalore

Our man kfc kissed a bike while making a u turn. The bike guy gave him some unsolicited advice and described kfc’s driving skills in the choicest of words to which kfc just replied, “ arrey chal chal”

Then our impatient driver manager to piss off a Honda city driver which led to a faceoff ( and I mena literally faceoff. The guy stopped his car in front on us in the middle of the road, rolled down his window and looked at kfc. That is it he just looked. Stared for 5 min and then sped away)

But then all that was past. We had renewed energy and were desperately waiting to hit the road. sugar was the most kicked, I guess it was because he was looking forward to drinking again and a general 2-3 days of full unplanned vacation. ( I have already described this in one term to you sugar boy :P )

We crashed for the day,but that was only after kfc checked to ensure that there was enough stock of beer for the drive J