Reality check!!!

Since childhood every one of us has loved super heroes. I remember how I used to rush back home at exactly 12 o’clock to watch fun time (a children’s show on Doordarshan) to watch “HE- Man”. As children we were always told that there exists evil in this world. There are people who were “bad”. They were the biggest and baddest forces on this planet. It is with this mindset, when I watched he-man, I got this feeling that there is somebody who had the power to combat the evil forces. Every time he said “by the power of gray skull, I AM HE MAN” it kind of gave me hope. There used to be this thrill which I used to experience every time I saw that. It was awesome.

But then I grew up. We realized that “bad people” are not someone who wears a hood & has a skull for his head. But it were a group of people who carried guns and who would gain extreme pleasure by inflicting pain on innocent individuals. The came to rescue “G.I Joe”. Come to think, now I wonder sometimes how could it be possible. Those things were so unrealistic. Otherwise how could a handful of guys fight against a whole battalion of bad guys and come out victorious. But yet I saw, I enjoyed and I cherished every moment of it. Then there was fad of teenage mutant ninja turtles. Four turtles with skills of ninja fighting against terror and terrible shredder. Again load of unbelievable crap but yet I enjoyed it.

Then soon in the process of growing up, you realize that it is not exactly those gun wielding people who are the biggest threat. There were bad people all around you. People whom we interact on a daily basis. People who lacked the so called morals and who were ruthless enough to think of “oneself alone”. That entire thing about doing good for others …is not always true. There is a façade to everything that you encounter. You begin to feel that the basic human relations like friendship, trust, respect, honesty are all illusions. But then we have rocky, Driven, Patch Adams, Men on honor. Rocky fighting to avenge his friend’s death and getting nearly killed in this process, A black guy becoming the first navy diver, A doctor who sacrifices his entire career and fortune to work for the upliftment of the poor people. One is again smitten by these characters.

Why does this happen? Why do people actually believe all these stories? Why are they highlighted to the world. How can such things ever happen in a world like ours. Do such people really exist. Do we know anyone who would go out of his way to help us, no man. The lies, deceit, dishonesty and selfishness has grown to the extent that every action of a human being is scrutinized. People lack the basic ability to trust. Everyday you read newspapers, hear the news channels & all that happens is ,you keep loosing faith in the very virtues on which human life is based. Suspicion is at the peak. It has become a fad to talk about doing selfless service, but the number of people who actually get down to doing such stuff are very few. And the other people who don’t necessarily have the guts to indulge in such activities only sympathize with them but donot make any efforts to help them.

But then we look at these characters. They help me believe that the utopian society that the world keeps talking about ( and only talking ) does really exist. When you watch such things it gives you hope. It is a kind of self gratification. Everytime you see an evil doer being punished, we gain a sense of satisfaction. We for a few moments begin to believe that there is hope. We enjoy the sense of security that it renders to our heart. It gives us a glimpse into the world that we dream of. A world where there isn’t any evil. Where goodness rules. Where there is absolutely nothing that can go wrong. The world where evil doesn’t even remotely come close to.

Everytime you see the good guy who lives by the virtues that we talk about win, we think “yeah it is possible.. No it is not necessary that good boys have to finish last”. Everything in reality is screwed up. But yeah we can make it happen. Yes the virutes still exist. No the paradise is not lost. We can still hold our ground in today’s world. No we can still make it happen. So guys now it is time for me to watch the next episode of heroes.check it out. Peter patrelli and Partman are off to save the world from Silar.

Cya when I come back to reality !!!

Master Key for all Soaps!!!!

Well last weekend after a week long travel plans I was back in bangalore.I was tired and hence took the opportunity to laze around a lot. And like any other lazy bugger Television has occupied quite a bit of my time. Back in college, all my friends used to crib about their families being addicted to soaps that come on various channels. I was always happy that we didn’t receive any of the Indian soap channels at home. So luckily I was saved from this torture. (Well it really was a torture; you should hear those guys talk about their plight)

But this time around with the advent of TATA sky and Dish TV I had the opportunity to witness a few of these soaps at home. (Alright now I know, it is a bold move on my part to accept that I watched these soaps!! At the risk of being branded unkool...I continue...)

Well I saw 2-3 soaps and there was a remarkable similarity..Across soaps...across channels (who said we didn’t have unity...the commonalities were amazing)
Every soap was about one huge happy family. Every family always was spread across three generations at least. They are rich...stinking...filthy rich...so rich that you would find that most of the calls they make are using cell phones (again only the latest nokia/Samsung/sony phones)...landlines, which are any day cheaper are absolete. Generally there are 2-3 brothers, their wives and children living together. The youngest brother’s wife is generally despised by all the others. Everyone mostly wants them out of the will and all the youngest couple want are the blessings of the elders and hence spend their life fighting the hardships that these people put them through

Every family would always have the following characters:
A grandparent
He/she is supposed to the be wise old man/woman of the house. The one who has seen the world and is master of all earthly knowledge. They are generally portrayed as the person who has given up all earthly desires and who wants to see that their families stay together, and who want all their grand children to get married before the D day...

Hero/ Heroine
He/ she is the main character. He/she is the person who has the most pathetic life possible. Everyone is against him/her. Their life is constantly plagued with problems. Their problems just never end. At the end of one problem they are faced with another one. Never have they spent a single complete episode happily. Even if they do find happiness, by the end of the scene, there is a shock which brings with it another problem. (Directors/ script writers ...please take note of this fact...and for heaven’s sake, give them a break). They are generally the one who are the flag bearers for the “right” things. If you have trouble figuring out who these people are, it is very easy, as soon as they come onto your screens you will have a bhajan/devotional song, or a very pleasant instrumental being played in the background.

Villains
Everyone other than the hero couple. Their sole aim is to ensure that the grandparent who is the owner of all the riches begins to dislike the hero couple and hence keep accusing them of all the wrong doings in life. It is very easy to recognise them, as soon as they come on the screen there is a huge drum beat...2-3 of them...and there is a close up in slow motion...their faces are not the first things that will come onto the screen..They are generally shown, first as stepping into the house, so the foot is the entry .then slowly they show they walking and only when they come in the same shot as the hero couple do you get to see their faces...and the face revealing scene is a slow motion which is repeated umpteen numbers of times.

Spoilt brats
The third generation, they are generally the nice guys. Their job is to help the hero couple, their loyalties definitely lie with the “right” and their aim is also to have the big happy family. (See how their objective is similar to the hero couple). Their task is to add masala to their daily lives. They generally end up falling in love with people who are good but poor, and hence disliked by the parents. They then turn to the hero couple for help.
Another interesting thing is the way the trouble unfolds for the hero couple. They are generally victimised by some villain (please refer to the above text for deciphering whom we are talking about...sorry about the generalisation, but because of the huge huge star cast , taking names would have had you in a confusion long back). They plot and form secret alliances. The villains are generally very smart. They always target the wife who stays at home. The husband is in the dark. The wife is alleged of some wrong doing...the husband refuses to believe her cause for him, elders of the family are above everything...she is distraught...and the villains are happy.

This is when enters the main, the real hero (absolutely no disrespect!!). It is generally lord Krishna. He is the saviour. The heroine goes running to him and prays to him to show her the way ahead. Then out of nowhere there are bells ringing, the lamp is lighted automatically, there is a sound of a conch in the background. The heroine realises that she has to fight the evil. She comes back with renewed energy. She is ready to kick ass now...

Then suddenly comes her first break when the spoilt brat or some one who was sympathetic towards her finds out that she is innocent, generally by over hearing the villains or by some super cool sleuth work. She reveals the secret and the wife is given a clean chit. The husband apologises, the family does. Even the main villain sees the wrong in her actions and becomes the wife’s best friend...the harmony is restored....
That brings us to the end (hahaha ...did you really think so...this is not even the first season it seems...)

PICTURE ABHI BAAKI HAI....

The amazing twist... during the whole kiss and make up...one of her friends is offended...she switches sides and back stabs the wife again...the villain becomes the hero’s friend but the friend turns foe...so the story continues again....now i realised how these buggers keep going for ages and ages together...the serial which began some years back are still continuing. The hero couple generally do not seem to age at all...

People think that the story is long and hence the large number of episodes. But in a half an hour episode...the break up is as follows...10 min commercials...10 min dialogues...10 min slow motion replays...where you will find people turning/ getting schocked etc about 100 times...so if it is 10 min per day..The soap will obviously go on for a long long time....

People have become so obsessed with these soaps that their life comes to a grinding halt when these soaps are being aired. The slow pace is jazzed up with the occasional death of the main character (who after a good vacation and a nice little break makes a come back because he is miraculously saved from the car crash he/ she had...if the masala has to be real good...he /she would have lost his memory by then). Such deaths of main character is good enough to make headlines in all the major 24 hour news channels (this is true...amazing isn’t it, the kind of crap these 24 hours news channels focus on...well this is a different matter which will be discussed in a different post)!!

Amazing but true....so next time u decide to watch a soap...then I hope this post will prove to be very useful to you and that you will be able to comprehend and appreciate the soap better!!

New Generation Faith!!

“Kids these days…absolutely not religious...they have lost their way in this world…being religious is not as they say “kool” “

hear some grandmothers,especially the ones who meet at the local park everyday apparently for some exercise (which is basically gossiping…cant keep too many things suppressed within!!1), and this is something that you will find many of them complaining. But I beg to differ. You can just say that youngsters these days are less religious. They just choose to follow a different religion altogether. They need to understand that and accept it. They need to live with the fact that we have a different rituals and tenants that guide us. Let me detail it out, so as to prove that my statement is not wrong, and you will find that many many many people in “hip-hop” generation of today follow these rituals ..religiously…

Every weekend they get up as soon as the clock strikes 8 ..okie this is something for which you need to cut these guys some slack..they work their ass off the whole week to ensure that they earn enough and hold onto their jobs..capitalism is more rampant now a days than in your times. After waking up they religiously plan the next 12 hours completely. Every minute is important. They decide not to waste a single min. The extent of detail of such plans would even put the best of the strategists to shame. Ask these “kids” to share it with you sometimes. Then similar to the old times ..they freshenup. Like good well behaved individuals they take a head bath,and dress in their best attire. And yes like ancient times apply a lot of pastes made out of natural fruits and other nature’s gifts on their body.. and prepare for their penance.. Post which with the blessings from their parents they head to their temple….

They donot embark on this religious quest alone. They gather all the like minded devotees of their faith and together begin the journey to their temple. Also they use a common mode of transport (highlighting their concern for the environment). They utilize the journey to exchange notes and discuss the plan that they had made individually. Seamlessly without much hue and cry..the many detailed and extensive plans merge into one. All stakeholders are satisfied..and the process is quick…so quick and so efficient that directors of companies sitting in their board rooms can learn, the process of integration, from them.

They soon arrive at their temple. They have strict rules about your conduct and attire at the premises, so strict that the ancient orthodox Brahmins would be put to shame. The doorman (who is the most powerful saint ) is instructed with the act of restricting the entry to guests who do not comply with the religious diktat. The devotees who pass the acid test enter the temple and start the rituals. They begin with waiting for the main saint to enter.

Once they enter, they find a cosy place so that they can spend the next few hours peacefully…A few saints inside, distribute sweet barley extracts mixed with a variety of fruits and serve them to the devotees…There is slow music being played throughout…the devotees while consuming the sweet natural drinks start the swaying and dancing in praise of their lords..Soon the head priest enters… He starts with some soft chants which ensure that the devotees get onto a higher mental platform so as to connect with the great one . The number or devotees soon increases and then as the clock strikes 10...and darkness sets in outside …the devotees keep gulping mouth fulls of barley extracts... They sway in praise of their leaders..they leave behind all their inhibitions and attain a peaceful state of mind. Soon the clock 12..and religious fanatics, people who are against this religion, arrive. Being the peaceful race, the devotees end their prayer reluctantly and begin their journey backs to their humble abode. But they take the longer route back as they come to terms with the sanity that exists in the world around them, and also return to the same state of mind with which they left their homes..

This is a ritual they follow every week.. religiously…So as I said they are definitely aligned to a religion...look at its ethos and tenants, you might be interested.. and yeah join in .you are always welcome !!!

The weary soldier!!!!

The clock strikes 5 …early morning dew has spread itself across every blade of grass..the birds are starting to chirp….early morning ….people are starting their daily routine…the warrior rises from his slumber…tired and exhausted..he is physically broken but mentally he is preparing for battle..he doesn’t like wars that he fights every day….he rises from his bed reluctantly…starts to prepare mental strategy for survival…every muscle in his body aches…every movement causes pain…he manages to get ready and put on his gear…he picks up his weapon and mounts his chariot….slowly he starts moving towards the battle ground….he reaches close to the venue…but decides to fight with the cavalry that day..slowly he dismounts from his chariot…adjusts his gear and weapons….slowly but steadily he makes his way to the area of action…every step seems like eternity….every step is slow and deliberate..he is thinking of his family & friends who are back home waiting for him to return..he is thinking of his endeavours in the past few days…he is thinking about life and the strange twist of fate…he is thinking of the way to impress his king…he is thinking of how to achieve glory….as he nears the venue his pace drops….every step forward is now a humoungous challenge…it takes all the strength in his body to keep moving…he realizes how much he dislikes the daily battle…he wants to drop his weapon and return…but he cannot betray his kingdom…and he fears the wrath of the king as well…his throat is dry..he craves for the magic potion for survival..he wants to take swigs of it and revive himself….he finally reaches the area…suddenly there is a slap on his back….. “ hey dude..how was your weekend…..all set for the week ahead..here have a cup of coffee…”

Conversations with god!!!

My chat with God!!!

Me: hi!!
God: hello

Me: is this god!!
God: I think so

Me: you are not sure??
God: well last time I checked I still was god!!

Me: when was the last time u checked?
God: lemme check (a short pause)... about 2 years back...

Me: so are you still god or not?

God: lemme check (a long pause)...well I just asked my seceratary...i am God!!

Me: you have to ask your secretary whether you are god or not?

God: well just wanted to confirm!!

Me: so she told you and you believed her!!

God: two things ….one he told me …second...yes I believed him...

Me: he??

God: yeah!! Why is there a problem?

Me: well! No… it is not a problem, but I thought you would have a female secretary!!

God: haven’t you heard of sexual discrimination laws!!!

Me: yes I guess you were right!!

God: thank you!!

Me: so you are definitely god?

God: u still have doubts??

Me: yeah

God: why is that?

Me: hmm…isn’t it a little weird...to be chatting with god on messenger!!

God: Boy!! Which world are you living in …internet is everywhere...and thanks to the satellites you guys have launched the wireless signal here is very strong..

Me: ohm!! okie..But it is still weird!!

God: why?

Me: aren’t you supposed to speak to me directly from the sky!!

God: I don’t want to disturb the others who are doing their work!!

Me: ohh that makes sense!!

God: good! Don’t you have any work?

Me: well you should know!!

God: why?

Me: isn’t god supposed to know everything?

God: is it? (Lemme check)

Me: BUZZ!!!

God: yeah just found out...i know it .but just don’t remember it …

Me: how did u find that out?

God: I asked my fellow gods here and my secretary confirmed!!

Me: you asked your secretary??

God: aren’t secretaries supposed to help you out with such matters...part of his job description!

Me: well are you sure you are god?

God: you still don’t believe me? Well, if may ask, who are you?

Me: oh god wouldn’t need to ask me that?

God: and why is that?

Me: ohh come on you are supposed to have all the knowledge in the world and you don’t know who you are chatting with?

God: well I do know but I just don’t remember!! Have a lot of things on my mind…

Me: yeah right!! You definitely are joking

God: well lemme see… (Goes on narrating my biodata)

Me: how did u find out?

God: kid are you crazy or you just don’t get it? I am god...

Me: but you didn’t know all this, a few main back

God: lot of data...asked my seceratary to look it up …

Me: ohh so you have archived information about everyone ehh?

God: yeah and at a given point of time have access to only a select portion...portion that is relevant …so takes time to sort out the huge amount of data

Me: well you secretary seems to be real good at searching for the required info!!

God: yeah he is!! I have a very stringent selection procedure

Me: is it...

God: yeah we do thorough background checks …and then there is an assessment center

Me: ohh what are the skills that look for

God: he has to be a good man/ woman …he must be a diligent hard worker...

Me: yeah I guess, he has to be very good to help do so much data handling

God: ohh we have tools like Google desktop search to help in searching

Me: I can help you set up the network!!

God: network??

Me: yeah so that you and the other gods can all have conferences!!

God: ohh so you want to help us out ehh? Please wait!!

[God is offline]

Secy: what happened sir? Who was it you were chatting with...?

God: some pesky little kid who wanted to get the back door entry into heaven...he offered to set up a network here …

Secy: that was new one!!!

The road trip!!!

After lot of discussions, telephone calls and major planning I ended up sitting im my own room watching sitcoms and waiting to spend one more long weekend sipping on coke and eating pizzas. Then came the eventful phonecall. It was kfc on the line. He suddenly came up with this plan to go to coorg with the Bangalore junta. Now this was not the first time I had heard of the plan and initially was not very keen on the very long road trip. But then suddenly something snapped. I was like what the heck..that is better than sitting at home and putting on some more calories ( we ended up buring quite a few on the trip). So checked the tickets for the last leg back to Chennai. Made a few phone calls to office collegues, rescheduled a few Monday morning meeting and we were set.

Both me and kfc were quite kicked about the trip, as we were very disappointed after all our impromptu plans to go to goa and manali and Kashmir and other spicejet destination,which we discussed the previous night at 1 am while eating bread ommlette at a roadside shop, fell flat. We immediately called rashmis (the name stays rashmis as I am being threatened with serious consequences) surprisingly she agreed. I guess it was more the desire to get away from Chennai rather than the pleasure of our company that motivated her I guess.

We made some extra turns and roamed a few extra streets before we found rashmis place. After having picked her up we then slowly made our way through the narrow streets of Chennai to reach the highway. As soon as we hit the highway, I saw a miracle. Our man kfc who is generally a cool customer became a terror. There was lightning and loud thundering sound and kfc turned into Schumacher who was left on a track. He was under the impression that his swift was a Ferrari and raced on the highway. I have travelled those roads before many times, as my office is 40 km on that stretch, but never covered the distance so fast. Just so that you guys get the message, have you ever driven on a highway and found a super fast car coming from far and honking loud to ensure that you move away and give him the way,which you would be forced to do to avoid a collision, and hten you would turn around curse him and pass a comment on the rash brat, well that car was us and we were the rash brat.

Kfc was enjoying the drive like a pig in poop. He was having blast. Getting close to cars, honking at them, cutting them and generally even pushing much bigger vehicles. It was a super drive, and suddenly there was rain. It was pouring but that didn’t dampen the spirits of our man. He just switched on every light on his car and sped away splashing water on pedestrians and making his way to banglore.

It was a 3.5 hour drive to cover the 300 km ot reach kormangla. Before that we dropped Rashmi off at the nita’s place and proceeded to join sugar and shrik for a wholesome meal. It was awesome dinner as we were very hungry. But there were two interesting incidents after we entered Bangalore

Our man kfc kissed a bike while making a u turn. The bike guy gave him some unsolicited advice and described kfc’s driving skills in the choicest of words to which kfc just replied, “ arrey chal chal”

Then our impatient driver manager to piss off a Honda city driver which led to a faceoff ( and I mena literally faceoff. The guy stopped his car in front on us in the middle of the road, rolled down his window and looked at kfc. That is it he just looked. Stared for 5 min and then sped away)

But then all that was past. We had renewed energy and were desperately waiting to hit the road. sugar was the most kicked, I guess it was because he was looking forward to drinking again and a general 2-3 days of full unplanned vacation. ( I have already described this in one term to you sugar boy :P )

We crashed for the day,but that was only after kfc checked to ensure that there was enough stock of beer for the drive J

A new start!!!

well i read in today's paper..my forecast said that it is a good time to start something new..not that i believe in those things ...but what the heck have been thinking of creating a new blog for long...so here it goes...i deleted the old blog entries and here is the new avtaar...hope to continue posting ..will try be regular this time